Well, folks, this may be my last 'free Friday' to go shopping with my elderly friend that I call "grandfather" and he's not happy about it. I told him that I should be working next week (not sure if it's gonna be temp or perm work yet) and all he heard was 'less time out and about' with him. He ain't happy about it - but wants to go celebrate anyways - 'whatever makes you happy' he says.
My friend is an elderly gentleman that our family has basically adopted since A) he refuses help from anyone at our local church and B) he likes us. So, if someone asks for help, you are to give it per St. John Chrystostom's teachings - and it's more fun than just 'giving help' anyways, so we can't count it as charity. Too much fun and too much like family now.
I'm not happy that his heart and heart valves are starting to slow up as I gear up to go to work, but I pray and try to keep in touch with him as much as possible. He loves it when I visit him at his house - he prepares pastries and fresh decaf coffee for me with the flavored sweeteners that I NEVER purchase for my house (way too fattening). He serves me in his cluttered home on his best china with his best silverware. My coffee cup at his house is his favorite one - a white old cup with a commemoration of a rebuilding of an Orthodox Church on the front.
He shows me all (and I mean ALL) of his Navy and Army photos, documents, letters, awards (he's pretty decorated for a Russian guy, first generation) and of course, photos of his beloved wife who was tragically taken from him here in Santa Rosa a LONG time ago by the car of a drunken driver. Her name is Margaret if you're into praying for those who have fallen asleep.
It has been agreed that when (or if) this friend of ours needs to be taken care of at home in his last days/weeks/months, that I am the person to help and coordinate this effort (no, I'm not a nurse, but I can use a phone and get one for day shifts!). His family is depending on me to contact them (out on the East Coast) and to help with funeral stuff (which this man already has all of the particulars paid for and we even wrote his obituary!). He didn't plan for flowers at his funeral, but I told him that he didn't have a choice - any grandfather of mine gets flowers!!! In typical fashion he said "whatever makes you happy - I won't be there!" - followed by a hefty laugh.
So, with my 'new' adopted grandfather I get a 'second' chance almost. This man is not like my real grandfather at all - this man is Russian (my grandpa was Swedish), he's much shorter than my grandfather, he doesn't wear dapper hats like my grandfather, he doesn't like any music but Orthodox Church music (my grandfather was a trumpet player for the big bands back in the day and LOVED music), and he likes talking about religion, politics and family things with me (my grandfather would talk to me about art, music, boxing and 'what's wrong with today's music'). The only thing that they do share are these two things - stubborness that comes with age and that they served faithfully - in their sections of the U.S. Military.
Oh yes, and keeping everything - never tossing things out! Even things that should have been tossed a long, LONG time ago.
It's nice to actually speak to an elderly person about what they have planned for their funeral, their family - their things - when they die. This grandfather is very open and realistic about death - I think it's because he's Eastern Orthodox (his father was a priest) and he's dealt with death a few times already in his life - all within his faith.
Of course, I'm being positive about my grandfather friend - I keep telling him that he'll be here for the next 20 years at the very least! He laughs and says "Maybe, but I still would rather have you not working! I'm rather selfish in my old age!"
If you don't have your own grandparents - go out and adopt some - or one. It's rewarding and worth it. Just don't tell them that you're going back to work - they may not be that happy with you - for at least five minutes, anyway.
If you could pray for this 'new' grandfather of mine, I'd appreciate it - his health ain't what it used to be and, as he says he 'ain't no spring chicken' either. His name is Konstantine. Thanks, everyone!
4 comments:
What a great story and a wonderful relationship you have.
Thanks Mr. Issac - and to imagine that neither him nor myself nor anyone I know can remember how we met or why we have 'clicked' with this elderly man. Now, we can't imagine NOT knowing one another.
I'm notorious for being a magnet for kids and grandparents. Not sure why, but the common thread seems to be that I remind them of someone.
Whatever works! Glad I can be of service! Maybe it's my 'gift' or something!
What a blessing he must be to your family.
We rented a little house in Irving, TX, for a few years, and an older man lived next store. His wife had died a few years before we moved in. I didn't work much back then because I had real little kids, and what work I did was part-time, so we had free time to spend with this man. He was in his 70's and he loved the company. He gave me some crocheting and knitting books his wife had bought. I still have them. We got to be friends and it filled a need in both of us. He missed his wife and his family lived far away, and I was the farthest away from my family that I had ever been. It was a sort of "symbiotic" relationship (ever see Star Wars Episode 1?).
He went into a nursing home shortly before we moved to NC, and then about a year after we moved here, his daughter called and said he had died. She said she appreciated our friendship with her dad.
It just isn't natural for families to be this spread appart. We really need surrogate kids or grandkids or grandparents if we don't have them locally. I have a few friends who are fortunate enough to have parents living close by. I keep telling them how much I envy them.
I agree Laura - it's not natural to have families spread out this much. The sad thing is that most of the elderly folks I know or knew of live here in CAL while their family members are spread out all over the place - and don't come to visit. We might see the 'kids' at the funeral if we're lucky.
Sickening.
There was an elderly man in my grandparent's 'rest home' who was in a wheelchair and who I thought was sleeping (sitting up). As I walked by he reached out and grabbed my arm and said "I'm not DEAD you know" - after that I would bring him newspapers, magazines and try to talk to him when I was there. He died that year and the nurses said that he did have a family - a son - who never bothered to check on his old man or even to call on him. I'm sad to say he wasn't the only elderly gentleman or woman in that situation.
We as a society need to respect and care for our elders better than we're doing - as in starting with our own!
Rant at an end!
Post a Comment