A strange thing happened to me on the way to the photography studio on Sunday - I actually got comfy being in my own skin. Finally. Only took me 39 years.
As a child I was told that coming out of the bath totally nude wasn't proper and that the Virgin Mary herself was blushing in shame. Then, there's this American Culture that is so Victorian in principle that unless you are totally covered all the time, there's a problem with YOU.
Going to the pool each Summer left me a bit confused. During the Summer months, why, it was fine to wear two-pieces with straps everywhere when if my skirt at private school was too short I got yelled at? I never enjoyed Summer that much due to this weird skin showing that I had always been told was totally wrong.
I'm not talking about the girls who walk around like looking like hookers or who are deliberately wearing outfits that are inappropriate for where they are at, I'm simply talking about normal girls who got so freaked out about showing any skin that when the hot weather rolls around, we get a bit confused and uncomfortable.
Strapless? Skinny straps? Off the shoulder? Mini anything? Low back? Plunging front? Um, not for me. Turtlenecks, large sweaters, dark tights, thick/toe hiding shoes, long sleeves - that was me!
Of course being primarily raised within the confines of the Roman Catholic realm with nuns who dressed all buttoned up didn't help, either. It just left me more confused.
So, fast forward to this year. I'm 39. I've just signed up - like some of my more daring friends - to do a professional photo shoot with a professional female photographer. Some of the pics she does are pretty much 100% nude. It's up to you, but they are the most artistic and most stunning photos I've ever seen of the female form.
She's amazing, her work is more amazing and what she did to those women to make their photos so full of beauty and a celebration of the human form just made me want to sign up. I saw more photos one day and decided that I needed to do this before I turn 40 next year. Just for fun!
The second I turned in my deposit I got scared. I'm too old to be doing photos like this! I'm not skinny enough. I have scars! I'm not pretty enough. I cannot bare this much skin! No nudity! What would the nuns think??? The other gals I know who did this are much younger than me...and primp more than I do, keep themselves up better.
I kept up this 'negative tape' in my head and even in speaking to my friends who knew about it for months. Before I knew it, my appointment was here. I was in the chair getting my makeup done by two, younger, very beautiful ladies who were making my face photo ready and fluffing my hair.
When they were done I looked really cleaned up - polished - and ready to be 'shot'.
My photographer met me in the salon and we moved into the studio where the props were set up. I had seen a lot of her pictures and could see the backdrops she used, extra stuff around the room and of course, I had brought some of my own 'props' just in case we needed to hide my backside or something!
She casually looks over at me as I survey the room and says "So, do we want to do the nude photos first?"
I couldn't believe what I did next - I totally disrobed - and waited. Waited for the negative thoughts in my head to start - waited for some type of guilt or something to happen.
Nothing.
Feeling this comfortable in my own skin - with another human being in the room or not - was something I had never experienced before. Of course, I am married, and my husband has seen me, oh - a few times - in the past 15 years (LOL!) but that's a bit different. But even then, I find that sometimes I hold back for these weird reasons that I grew up with.
That day in the studio, I felt empowered. Graceful. Amazing, and yes, even pretty.
We did all the photos we could - and boy, it was tiring. I have a lot more respect for models now. That's hard work - thank goodness I stretch and do Yoga or else I'd be in some serious pain this morning.
The cool part was that although I did get to see some of the hundreds of pictures she took after the fact, I really didn't need to SEE them. I felt like a million bucks anyways - and still feel that way today - and will for a while, I'm sure.
What do they say - "Do what you fear and watch it disappear?" - wow, is that ever true.
6 comments:
I loved this. I had a similar experience--but at a really nice day spa. I do feel comfier now than I did in my 20s...and my bod was better then. HAHA!
I hope you will post one of the pics on here...one you're comfortable sharing. (;
Thanks Miss Jo! As soon as I get the proofs back I'll pick some nice pics that won't have my friends blushing at me the next time they see me at the yard! LOL!
Wow I had no idea you felt that way because I was so amazed at your grace and confidance being in the buff! There was no hesitation when I suggested starting off nude either! You are amazing and you looked stunning! I am so glad you wrote this, gives me even more motivation to offer this service to women! If your outlook was able to change so drastically then imagine what lies in store for other women! It really is so much more than photos! Truly awesome to read :)
Oh, truly, you helped me become so empowered in my own skin! I even went out and got a two piece for the pool this summer. A NICE two piece, not the tanktini or cover your body up or the 'fake boob' one.
I really, really like my body after that photo shoot and thought my days were done after having a kid 9 years ago. With all the surgeries I've had for Endo and the C-section scar, I really felt not so hot.
You are the most calm, awesome photographer EVER! U rock!
That is awesome!!! Thank you so much! That is the best feedback anyone can give! Love it!!
As a fellow graduate of the nearly nude photos, I have to tell you you hit this to a T. It's so rare these days to be allowed to feel nude and comfortable. I can put on as much clothing and makeup as I want in an attempt to make myself feel beautiful, but the only times I've felt that beautiful were when I took it all off and allowed myself to appreciate my beauty for what it is. I didn't even feel as beautiful on my wedding day. It's quite a self esteem booster to take a look back yourself and go wow, I AM just as pretty as the people on the magazine covers.
Very well written. Kudos to you for feeling that way, and big yay for Seasyn for showing us how beautiful we are.
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